The last couple of months have been overwhelming for me. I have felt like I was drowning in my thoughts. My prayers were vague and few. My thoughts raced around my head. I felt scattered and began to shut down. My body craved sleep and I gave in every time. But yet I never felt rested. That was until last week and I went on vacation and I finally felt like I could come up for air. While on vacation I slowed down and had dedicated prayer time. Every morning while on vacation I fixed me a cup of coffee and went onto the patio and read my devotional and prayed. I sat with God purposely everyday. Something I had stopped doing back at home.
When I returned home, my devotional time stopped and I jumped back into the distractions and the anxiety returned. But God is faithful. Today everything shifted. Because today I went back to prayer but with a tenacity like never before. But it took a breaking point to get there. My day started off late as usual, I did my workout and came home to talkative children and a needy dog. I tried to balance my day but I couldn't. I felt like I was beginning to drown again. Then accidently knocked MY SMOOTHIE OFF THE DESK! That was it! I kicked the kids and dog out my room and jumped in the shower. There is where I cried out to God. "HELP ME! PLEASE!" ...Once I got out the shower I was lead to set a timer for 5 minutes and sit in silence. Then I was led to do some deep breathing for another 5 minutes. Then I began to pour my heart out. I prayed. I breathed in His presence and prayed some more. He began to speak. He revealed the source of my anxiety and racing thoughts. He then led me to Hebrews 11:6:
The question asked was do I believe God. Do I believe that He holds my future? Do I trust Him? Or do I trust in me?
Then I picked up my devotional for today and in God-like fashion, it talked about praying and depending God for the answer. My eyes were opened. You see I had been depending on me. I got caught up with my works. Which was causing my exhaustion and anxiety. I do believe that faith without works is dead like the homie Paul said. But faith precedes works. My faith had began to shift to be in MY works, not Gods!
Today's prayer time opened my eyes, heart, and mind. It was the realest communication I've had with God in a long time and realized how much I missed it! I came to Him heavy burden, confused, and on the verge of kicking the kids and that dog out the house...lol..But after prayer I finally felt relief, lighter, more focused, and comforted.
That is the power of prayer time.
I pray you read this and be encouraged that our God wants to commune with you. Set out a little extra time today for prayer. But not like that basic prayer stuff...the real, rap raw prayer!
In His love,